Missin you girl

It's hard to think that you were once mine. That I could go to the barn everyday and see you. That I owned a horse that I could ride. It's a funny thing; time. How it flies by and makes you forget things you never thought you would. How I don't remember the little things. But I do know this. I miss you. I miss how calm you were in every situation. I miss how I could take you on trail rides, or do dressage, or even drive you. You could do everything. I miss seeing your face in the paddock when I drive in. I miss you walking up to me, and I think most of all I miss how happy I was after a good ride. I didn't think I was lucky that I got you, but I realize now how wrong I was. I wish more than anything you didn't have arthritis, because you would have been an awesome dressage horse. 

Every new thing I do with Duncan I can't help but think of what we would have been doing if you had just been okay. And a part of me is angry that I never got to have that time with you, and a part of me is heartbroken that you couldn't do it. I wish you were here Bella. 

Goodbye is Always the Hardest Part

God makes each individual to be something. Something that both He and them will like. I believe I was made to have an impact. I don't know if that will be an impact in dressage, around the world, or right here, in Portland, Maine. But I know I was made for greatness.
God's plans for Bella were different than what I had intended. God intended Bella's life for something that did not coincide with mine. I am on the fast track to showing dressage, joining a college equestrian team, and starting the journey of what I hope to be a beautiful life. I hoped Bella would be the mare that accompanied me on this journey, but unfortunately she is not. She will never see a show ground, the inside of a dressage ring, or move her feet in an attempt to defy gravity. She will keep her feet firmly planted on the ground and enjoy her days as a pleasure horse. Eating too much, and receiving enough love to fill any horse's heart. It's hard for me to believe that in ten years I will not be thinking about Bella as I am as I sit here tonight. Tonight the feelings are fresh, the emotions are oh so real. She is gone. My first horse turned out to be more of a tragedy than a love story. And I think what kills me most is the thought of forgetting her. Forgetting what an amazing mare she was. How she was so alive and happy. Such a joy to ride. No matter what I did, she always came right over to me. How she was so curious about everything, and wanted to smell and experience all kinds of new things. And lastly, how she never stopped loving, not once. I gave a part of my heart to her, and when she drove away tonight she took that piece with her.

Umm Yeah.

So owning a horse is what I thought it would be. And Bella is not the horse I pictured myself with.
She is for sure a great mare. She has learned so much over the past couple months and time flies. I don't even remember really what it was like riding her trying to get to this stage. Craziness.